If you are reading this, which I believe you must be-- unless of course you are unfortunately blind, in which case, you are accessing it via some sort of alien technology that must be transmitting the texts wire-lessly into your brain-- either way, you are likely accessing this information sometime in the future. Unless, of course, you are standing behind me as I write, which I can clearly observe that you are not.
My question for you is this, fair reader: What is the future like?
Following are some possible scenarios of what I imagine the future will be like. These futures are based on the known space-time continuum of which we are currently aware. However, these futures may happen at any given time, so there is no way to determine if the future you are reading this in is concurrent with my time-line.Keep in mind that any of these futures is entirely plausible.
- Technotopia - Following the success of the Internet, scientists and computer geeks will discover a way to embody the best functions of artificial intelligence into a self sustainable terraform not unlike a living, breathing, man-made cyber-island. The island itself will self actualize, however, and begin to aggregate itself into other land masses. These bio-tech hybrid terraforms will also actualize, and eventually combine into one Pangean living entity and begin to systematically remove humankind from itself like a dog scratching away fleas.
Likelihood of occurrence: 52*
- Steam-Age - After gas prices finally peak at $27.50/gal, governments will finally resort to alternative forms of energy, the most unlikely but available of which will be precious steam. Water prices will begin to soar and freshwater supplies will diminish quickly, causing the demise of several species of flora and fauna. Included, but not limited to the following: Hippopotamuses, the tomato, the very popular Pomeranian, and thankfully, the elderly. Steel and copper will remain in large supply, however, influencing the creation of extremely trendy "SteamPunk" fashion of which we may already be on the cusp. The era will be short lived, though, as the excessive use of steam will cause something much worse the Greenhouse Effect, which will be known to later generation only as "The Pressure Cooker Effect."
Likelihood of occurrence: 77
- Kitten-ocalypse - In response to our kitten-obsessed society, scientists begin to tinker with God's plan to manufacture a genetically perfect kitten. In doing so, they fail to realize that these kittens reproduce asexually and through cell-replication, causing them to multiply on their own at an alarming rate. At first, this will be adorable and embraced openly, but the kitten population will grow at such an rapid rate that they will begin to consume and destroy every thread of civilization as we know it. Nonetheless, it will be adorable.
Likelihood of occurrence: 90
- Mearth: The Carnival Planet - In a dubious, but clever grift, carnival barker Angus T. Bullligan will win a wager with Gumptous Fronkamp, NewEarth 2.0's fattest President, and claim ownership of the world and all its inhabitants. Fronkamp will lose the bet after Bulligan accurately guesses the number of Baconators it would take to outweigh the President. The answer was an even one-hundred-forty. Fronkamp is ostracized from society, but Bulligan proves to be a much more effective leader. Food products are consolidated to include only things that can be adhered to a stick and deep-fried, and shirtsleeves are outlawed. The transportation industry falters, however, when all vehicles are required to spin or revolve around a pivot. The global economy will continue to thrive, though, when all currencies are exchanged for the use of small blue tickets.
Likelihood of occurrence: 94
- Time-Shift or The Verning - When German Physicist Verne Werner accidentally discovers time -travel, he inadvertently sends himself back to 1999. Because of the time shift, Werner's path is skewed only slightly, causing an infinity of replicas to continue to appear at random times and places. With Vernes popping up randomly throughout history, he is believed to be everything from a sorcerer to an alien life form. Unfortuantely for Verne, he is unable to separate his consciousness from each entity, and quickly becomes not only omnipotent, but immortal. This starts a trend which is known in some circles as "Godding."
Likelihood of occurrence: indeterminable
*Based on the Lamper Scale (a future speculation scale developed by Howard Lamper, with 1 being completely infeasible and 100 being completely plausible.)